Note: I drafted this last year, and I’m just returning to it now. I couldn’t shake the idea, but some of my perspectives on the why and how of it all have shifted.
Sat Jul 4
Last night at dinner, my phone pinged with notifications from Substack and Instagram about personal style, and I caught myself thinking…
If I didn’t talk about personal style or my work at Tibi, would I have anything left to say? Who am I to speak on these things? The market, and every platform feels so saturated with information. So what next? And why?
This may seem like a long internal conversation, but the answer came to me quickly. It was crystal clear. Yes. A loud, glaring, resounding yes.
The idea that one person, one brand, one streaming or social platform can own conversations or ideas feels so limiting. So why this article? Why now?
In September 2025, I opened my Notes app and drafted a title:
Who Gets To…
As in, who gets to be a designer? Who gets to be a writer? A stylist? Influential? Creative? Who gets to take up space?
That question was sparked by my questioning my belonging over the years and reflecting on my own path.
I started design school in 2006, when fashion and media were still highly gatekept. One of my sisters suggested I go back to school to get a MBA, but all I wanted to do was work in the fashion industry. School was the only way in. The early bloggers were just emerging: Shayla Monroque Tamu McPherson, Karen Brit Chick, and Andrea Pippins, whose illustrations I loved. And from Baltimore, I lived on RSS feeds through Google Reader, where every blog I cared about lived in one clean place.
At that time, you knew exactly who everyone was: designer, journalist, stylist, blogger. The categories were clear. The boundaries were tight. Fashion’s Night Out. The Tents at Bryant Park. Everything had an old-world structure.
Fast forward to today, and my feed is full of people who would have never “qualified” back then. They’re not in the industry by trade. Sometimes not even by paycheck. They’re here because they have something to contribute, something to teach, or simply because they want to be. And there are no limits to who gets to be…do…or speak…
If I had to do it over again, I’m not sure my younger self would have felt the same pressure to go to design school just to feel seen. Especially because after going to school for marketing, my path took me into pharmacy retail leadership, where I managed a high-volume store in an inner-city. All I wanted was to be creative and get paid for doing it, but struggled to find the path that led me there but it was all divinely aligned. Thankfully I eventually found my way back to marketing through design.
The rule makers will tell you there’s one way in, but reality and the needs of the community have a way of telling a different story.
Lately, I’ve started noticing that question everywhere, not just online, but in real life too.
And then I met this man on the train…
Well dressed. Kind of chic in that off-duty lawyer, tech guy, business casual way. He complimented my outfit, and I told him he could shop where I worked. That opened a door. He told me he’d always wanted to be a designer.
At first glance, I never would have guessed. But then his eyes lit up.
His family worked in the garment industry. He even attended FIT before switching paths. Now he’s 61, works in sales, runs conferences, and is far from what most people would call “creative.” But when he talked about style, his whole face changed. He told me he makes jewelry and he was wearing the most beautiful eye wear.
I asked him, “Why not now?” The only thing you can’t do at 61 is wait.Start with what’s missing from your closet. A perfect polo. A better belt. A great pair of glasses. Jewelry. There’s always somewhere to begin…
That conversation reminded me that maybe the question, “Who gets to?” is outdated. Because it’s happening everywhere. Not just in fashion. Not just online. Everywhere.
The reason so many of my clients, colleagues, peers, and friends are now writing about personal style, or podcasting, vlogging, creating, and sharing is because it is personal.
For so long, people didn’t have the
language to express themselves. They didn’t have the platform. They were searching for community.
My great-aunt is one of the most stylish women I’ve ever known. I mean, beyond. Every woman in my family was. But style wasn’t something they discussed. It just was. They were too busy being stylish to talk about style.
They had beauty salons that rivaled any old fashion film. Saturdays spent getting their hair done. Shopping trips. Church. Time together. They built community around style without ever calling it that.
For my generation, some of those spaces have disappeared, but new ones have taken their place. And perspective now allows me to see what it’s like for women, especially those of us somewhere in the middle of our lives.
Discovery. Renewal. Shedding. Exploration.
We will always have something to talk about. We will always have something to say. We will always find one another when we’re standing at the crossroads of change. Every generation finds its own way to gather, learn, teach, and build community.
The internet cracked the door open. Social media kicked it off the hinges.
And now we’re left with a better question. Not “Who gets to?” But “When will you begin?”
I went to law school in my 30's at night. One of the people in my class was in his 60's. He told me about a conversation with a friend when he told him he always wanted to go to law school, and his friend asked him 'why don't you go?' He said to his friend, 'I'll be 70 when I graduate law school'. His friend replied, 'And how old will you be if you don't graduate law school?'.
I loved this. Thank you.